Liquid diet monotony

I still weigh 171, thanks to my complete lack of enthusiasm for sticking to my eating plan.  I am soooo tired of liquid food!  In my attempts to get ANYTHING different, interesting or tasty into my mouth, I have abandoned my original plan (high fat/low carb) and just eat whatever the hell sounds good that I can suck through closed teeth.  I had made a scrumptious dinner for my husband, and the recipe called for things like bacon, butter and cream cheese, and I was actually scraping the drippings from the pan up with a spoon and slurping them down like a vampire bat!  I just couldn't stand the thought of another cold drink for dinner.

That just might be why I'm stalled at this weight.  I have been slurping soup, ice cream, and pudding through my teeth - all higher-carb items, might I point out - and not drinking nearly enough protein shakes.  I want MEAT!  No more protein shakes!  Yuck.  I was unwired for 5 days when I got that thing stuck in the back of my throat, and managed to gain a couple pounds back, mainly because I was so happy to eat REAL FOOD.  How the hell am I going to maintain my weight loss when I'm done with the jaw wiring if all it's doing is making me obsess about food even more than before??  Okay, not more than before, because I was pretty damn obsessed, but still...!  

I am toying with the idea of calling a hypnotherapist to see what, if anything, they can "suggest" into my brain that might make this jaw wiring/liquid diet easier to get through, and even more importantly to me, help me through the maintenance phase of this journey (ie: the rest of my life).  I need something that keeps me from obsessing about food.  I want to be a normal person, who doesn't think about food like it's a "fix".  I want to eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full and be okay with walking away from food.  Is there a way to desensitize my taste buds?  Maybe if I turn my curling iron on high and suck on the barrel for a couple minutes that might damage them enough.... except I don't even think it's the TASTE of the stuff I'm craving that matters.  I mean really - I eat some crappy-tasting stuff, but because it gives my body the "fix" it's craving, that sugar-rush that my body depends on that has kept me a junk-food junkie for years, it's all perfectly edible to me.  

I wonder if somewhere down the road, some smart person is going to develop a substance that makes a person ill only if they have a huge insulin spike.  Seriously, if every time you ate too many cookies you became violently ill, you'd learn pretty quickly how to eat carbs in moderation, right?  Genius!  I know there's some drug they give to alcoholics that does something similar, so it must be right around the corner... except then doctors wouldn't have enough to do, because that would cut most obesity-related illnesses down to barely anything!  So I have a feeling that we'll NEVER see a drug like this on the market, because that would cut into the profits of the medical community.  



Something is stuck...

... in the back of my throat.  Ever since eating (or slurping through my closed teeth) a bowl of lobster bisque soup last weekend, I have been feeling a sharp something stabbing me back there.   I've been trying unsuccessfully to dislodge it with any number of tricks: from a loud, hacking, Donald Duck-ish-type wheeze, to a bizarre, undulating tongue/throat/head tilt that I'm embarrassed to do even by myself. Alas, I have succeeded in moving the irritating little spike nowhere but perhaps deeper into the soft flesh of the back of my throat. Brilliant.  

*Note to others contemplating jaw wiring: STRAIN ALL YOUR LIQUIDS THOROUGHLY.

So I had to cut the wires again today so I could try to retrieve the damn thing with my fingernail, or even just by gargling (have you ever tried to gargle with your teeth together?).  No luck so far - I can still feel it, and every time I stick my finger back there to scrape at it I gag.  Anyone have any suggestions?

This time I was wired for two full weeks.  My jaw is even less stiff than it was the first time - I think because my husband wired my jaw a little more slack than Dr. Ted did.  

Today I weighed 172.5, so in 2 weeks I lost 5 pounds.  Yay for me!


Major cravings

I visited some relatives over the holiday who do not have my problem saying no to starch.  They have an entire pantry full of foods that haunt my dreams: donuts, cookies, pastries, chips, crackers... it would have been a disastrous weekend had it not been for these wires.  They saved me untold amounts of misery and self-loathing.  

My weight is now 173 - a 12 pound loss since starting on August 1.  I am having some pretty intense cravings this week, but that's just due to my monthly cycle.  I stopped doing the intermittent fasting over the holiday, and still haven't started back up again.  But I truly think that's part of why I lost almost 5 more pounds since getting rewired.  I'll try to wait till 7 today to eat, but damn!  These cravings are making it hard.  

I am already pretty tired of the taste of protein shakes - what I am craving madly is some REAL PROTEIN!  A burger with cheese, baked chicken with crispy brown skin, hell - even a hot dog sounds good right now!  That's probably the hardest thing about being wired: your protein has to come in the form of a powder or liquid, which means it'll most likely be something SWEET.  I have been making beef bullion and melting some butter into it, just for that kind of rich, hearty flavor.  I've never been a big fan of soup, but I may have to make an exception while I'm wired.  I love lobster bisque, but of course I have to strain it so it's smooth.  Sigh.  I miss so many flavors, it makes me wonder if I will want to go crazy eating when I'm finally unwired.  I'm a little scared about it. 

Some observations:

I barely even know the wires are there.  Speaking is no problem at all and the brackets are not rubbing the inside of my mouth the way they were when I was unwired.  My mouth is very comfortable the way it's set, and again, the only thing I'm finding difficult is coughing and clearing my throat.  I am prone to allergies in the autumn months, so it could get ugly, what with having to clear my throat a lot.  Hello liquid Benadryl!

I think I have a slight milk intolerance.  I mixed some with a protein shake and hours later my bowels were telling me they didn't like it.  Odd, because I can eat pretty much anything else that's dairy: cheese, ice cream, yogurt, cottage cheese... just drinking the actual liquid itself was the problem.  I guess I'll just have to stick with heavy cream and water in my shakes.

I have way more energy this month than I did when I started.  Losing even 10 pounds makes it feel like I'm so much lighter!  I no longer trudge up the stairs panting, and I even started working out a little.  Ug, but I still haven't done any real cardio.  Why can't I make myself get on my treadmill??  I would rather do squats and lunges than do even ten minutes of walking.  I know I need to start doing it regularly, but maybe I'll take baby steps - a couple weeks of weight training to get me in the right frame of mind, then I'll ease into a treadmill routine.

My clothes are ever-so-slightly more comfortable.  I was busting out of them when I started because I refused to buy anything bigger than a size 14, and at 185, I was certainly not a comfortable size 14 anymore.  I will be delighted when I get down to 165 because that was the weight that eluded me every time I started dieting in the last couple years.  I was stuck between 167 and 170 for so long, then the bingeing really started and I soared up to 185 really quickly.  I have a ton of clothes that I miss wearing.  I'm really tired of the same frumpy crap I've been wearing since I had a baby almost 2 years ago.

My face is thinner and my rolls are smaller.  It's quite disheartening to realize you have major back fat.  I tried with some success not to notice it in my mirror, but I couldn't help seeing it in full color in a picture taken during our July vacation.  Gross.  Embarrassing.  But soon to be gone.